The Ketamine Series: Part 3 – My IV Ketamine Journey: Part 1

I am sharing my story and journey with IV ketamine treatment. While this treatment was incredibly transformative and profound, I have been consistently working on my mental health since the summer of 2017. When people say there was one thing that changed their life, just be wary. The story is usually more complex. 

Before this treatment, I had been in talk therapy for 7+ years. I worked on my phone/social media addiction. I went to a PHP (partial hospitalization program) for trauma and a residential trauma treatment program. I did family therapy and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). I had also used SPRAVTO (esketamine) nasal spray for 5 months in 2022. I purchased an AlphaStim CET (cranial electrotherapy stimulation) and use it 5 times or more a week. I did meditation/yoga/exercise. I joined an ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) support group, and other things I may be forgetting.

This healing road has been incredibly challenging, but I do not regret doing it. 

If you want to learn more about my earlier healing journey, you can listen to this podcast.

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It was February 9th, 2024, and I was miserable. Well, I had been miserable for a long time, but I was extra miserable. 

For several days, I had been dealing with an intense migraine, and nothing was working. I tried pain meds, steroids, CBD/THC, meditation, sleeping, talking with friends and family, and other tools I had accessible. 

I was terrified. Will this ever end? What if I am permanently in pain? What if I lose my job? What if I lose my partner? And on and on the thoughts were raging in my head. I had to do something because my body and brain were screaming at me. 

February 9th, 2024

It is time.. Time to focus on doing the extreme deep work of healing my body.

It is scary because I do not know where to start, but I will start somewhere.

I started to do research for alternative treatments for PTSD, and I found a ketamine clinic. On February 16th, 2024, I had a consultation about ketamine treatment. It was going to cost me a pretty penny ($450 for IV + $150 for an integration session), but I was desperate. 

February 16th, 2024

I made a decision today to invest in myself. I am choosing to invest in ketamine because I want TO FUCKING LIVE. I am so tired of living in fear. I am so tired of not being able to be who I want to be. I am shackled to my pain… I just want to exist in peace with an understanding that sometimes life will be hard.

I was ready for this change, but my head continued to pound, and I was extremely dizzy. 

I went to the ER 3 days later because I needed relief, and after a ton of pain drugs, I started to feel a little better. I still needed more relief because the ketamine treatment was going to start closer to April. 

I had met with a TRE (Trauma and Tension Release) Practitioner the year before, but I could not afford it then. I was on a mission now, and I was able to see the practitioner later that week. 

Then I went to a neurology appointment for additional medication.

I finally started to feel relief from the medicines and TRE. I started to come back to a healthy baseline and felt less scared. 

But as my baseline came back to normal, my partner and I decided to take space from one another. I was hoping time apart would allow us to sort through our issues and come back stronger. The previous month had felt so intense, and I needed to focus on my upcoming treatment. 

February 29th, 2024

My why/goals for ketamine:

1. I want to be able to leave my house (freely) without a giant checklist: ‘Oh, I need water, a snack, lotion, lip balm, this and that..’

2. I want to be able to enjoy my evenings after work and do mindful activities with myself and from time-to-time do fun hangouts with friends during the work week.

3. I want to be able to enjoy my weekends and go on day long adventures and not feel completely depleted because my brain is obsessing over every little detail and feeling in my body and wanting to know exactly what is happening next.

4. I want to be able to enjoy my time with my partner

5. I want to feel joy and creativity again. 

6. I want to be able to travel lightly and not obsess over every little detail of what I am packing (psychological flexibility) 

7. In general, just be more present and work with what I have at hand in that moment (radical acceptance)”

March 16th, 2024:

Other ketamine goals:

• Break my staying up late behavior patterns 

• Break my victimization behaviors (“I am a burden”; “I am a disappointment”; I make a mistake, my partner brings it up, I become distraught).

My first IV ketamine session was fast-approaching on April 5th. I was working with a therapist trained by MAPS (The Multidisciplinary Association of Psychedelic Studies) to ensure I was prepared for the ketamine experience. We discussed goals, what to expect before, during, and after. I was nervous, but also excited to work through my burnout and past pain.

But then my partner and I broke up, which completely changed the focus of my ketamine treatment plan…       

Part 2 coming in two weeks!

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